honey bunches of taint.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
as a side note pls kill me
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