I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
