I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
