You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
