Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
