R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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