Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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