I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Enjoy the penises
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
