dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
