bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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