You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
