i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The uberlube is also flammable
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
