So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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