good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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