38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
