He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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