You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
