overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
