I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
