I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
