i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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