I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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