Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
