So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
