The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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