I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
