I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
