My room smells like vodka and shame
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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