In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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