I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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