if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
