So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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