Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
