maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
