Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
