We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
