You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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