neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
