im having a threesome with these popsicles
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
