We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
