i think my mom watched the whole time
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
