Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
