I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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