bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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