She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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