he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
