Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
