OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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