I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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