As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pants are for mortals
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
