you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
