I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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