Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
