lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
