right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
