Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
