and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How does one acquire holy water?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
