You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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