I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
