it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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