I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
