The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
