You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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