I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
