she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
