Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am one with the molecules
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
