Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize