Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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