How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
