our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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