listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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