having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
