All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
