I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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