you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
