im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
