Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
