I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
