It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
