things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
