if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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